Necessity

I need you, I just

need you

To hold my hand. While

I battle my inner

Demons that eats away

My sanity. I don't need

you to fight

A battle that does

Not.

Concern.

You.

(Posted from Facebook 071316)

Empathy

It would've been easier

if you'd fill in my shoes.

No matter how it won't fit,

I won't say a word.

(Posted from Facebook 072916)

Malfunction

I never noticed. Because

I didn't want to notice. But

Things. Are. Already. Spiralling

Out. Of. Control. The

Moment I've turned away,

Long, long time ago.

(Posted from Facebook 080816)

Journal

You lashed words, scenes too morbid for public

Love that burns bright, and unabridged tomes

Speeches too emotional to be heard

And thoughts, unorthodox to be spared

In time, I was deeply loved

A secret too precious to be seen

Through time, I'd lay forgotten

Only to be laughed about when nostalgia conquers

News are only relevant when new. //

Comparisons

Current Mood

I've been sleeping a lot lately

Maybe it's the lack of things to do

(Which is a lie because I had many)

Motivation?

(To what exactly?)

But one thing:

I've been chasing them dreams

Connecting and connecting

Until half-a-day is gone.

Mandala Coloring #2

That WHOLE picture

I was trying to follow a pattern here

Like, the inner circle was to be shades of violet

transcending to blue then green.

It kinda looked fine

though, I know it could have been better

If I worked on the transitions more.

Coffee Break and Dates

Starbucks Coffee Beans

I'm a coincidental photographer,

My shots are mostly on whims

Often, my choreography looked amateurish

that I wondered if there's something wrong with my camera.

This is one (in ten) that somehow looked...

aesthetically pleasing - so to speak.

Sleep

A movie plays and I'm the star

The plot is not a ploy, I wrote the scripts

Chasing after the next scene

I stumbled, forcing deep breathing

If my eyes never opened, I'd never wake. //

Hope

I didn't know. You
Had so much, I couldn't
Know. Happiness is a
Mythical place. Happiness is

A mythical creature. It's

Your overdose, your

Death.

(Posted from Facebook 071716)

Wishful Thinking

I want to go to the sea. I

want to listen to its waves,

To the words that whisper:

'Live well enough to flee' //

(Posted on Facebook 072316)

Anxiety

Words jumble. Rearrange.

Coherent meanings, hard to miss.

Where there are no rules-

I wished never broke.

Promises run,

Across my tear-streaked face. //

(Posted on Facebook 081916)

Writer's Block

My mind is a ricochet.

A rocket with no clear direction.

My mind is in nuclear

- bursting forth.

Can't contain.

Overflowing.

Can't write. Coherently. Adhesively. //

(Posted on Facebook 082516)

Just Words

There are words in my head.

Words with meanings,

and words in phrases.

Words that form sentences,

and sentences with thoughts.

Thoughts with ideas,

and ideas with no words.

Words are juat words

- going anywhere but somewhere. //

(Posted on Facebook 082716)

Feelings

The rain lasted a moment

A deliberate downpour of angst and tears

When the storm has passed

The rainbow usually follows

- but the pavement still wet from its bearings.

(Posted on Facebook 082816)

Passing Time

My hands slide where they gripped

I did not lose the sense of touch

Nor was it an accident yet to be called

It was a moment when functions fail

And the tiny things that made human

Started to dwindle. //

(Posted on Facebook 082916)

Doodle Art and Trees

I do a lot of doodles.

More often in class than outside, and intentional

Most of the works that I do just come out of spontaneity.

Not that I am complaining-

Nor do people who sees them apparently.

(The hole in the middle was supposed to be Time, though I wasn't confident that I'd be able to create THAT artistic enough - at least not to MAR the entire outcome.)

Also posted at: http://thoughtsofanundefined.blogspot.com/search/label/artsy%20stuff

Mandala Coloring

Part of the Whole Picture

I realized I liked using the shades of orange with coloring the background.

It gives a sort of a fiery feel which somehow made the work feel alive.

(Not that I feel dead while doing so)

But it gives satisfaction when viewing the overall work.

Like, wow, I made something colorful and almost happy.

Book Review: Chime (Franny Billingsley)

Book Cover

Since her stepmother's recent death, 17-year-old Briony Larkin knows that if she can keep two secrets- that she is a witch and that she is responsible for the accident that left Rose, her identical twin, mentally compromised- and remember to hate herself always, no other harm will befall her family in their Swampsea parsonage at the beginning of the twentieth century.

The arrival of Mr. Claybourne, a city engineer, and his university-dropout son, Eldric, makes Briony's task difficult. My. Claybourne's plan to drain the swamp has made the Old Ones unhappy, particularly the Boggy Mun, who has plagued the village's children with swamp cough in retaliation. When Rose's lingering illness turns into a cough, Briony knows that she must do whatever it takes, even revealing her secrets, to save her sister.

While thwarting the advances of an arsenic-addicted suitor, Briony must also deny her feelings for Elric, even as he helps her solve the puzzle that has become her life.

I initially thought that this was a retelling (I'm a bit drawn to retelling at that moment) and was just about convinced when I saw that Briony had a stepmother. But the stepmother died and she has a sister and the 'prince' was a university dropout and she had a suitor named Cecil. I wouldn't really peg this as a retelling since I cant't seem to think of ny fairy tale which I could compare this to.

Despite the misconception/ conflict with my initial impression, I found the book rather enjoyable and it swept me across the conflicts that when the conclusion arrives, I was surprised with the turn of events. I felt deceived with the revelations (which what Briony might have felt had not the truth liberated her). That Briony, who was full of self-loathing and penance, was actually living a lie. It was for a fact that she was partially responsible for her stepmother's death but there are secrets just as well that made that death sort of significant. I loved how Briony's character made her sympathetic rather than pathetic - as most people with self-loathing actually portray.

The only drawback that I've had with reading the book, were the imagery conjured by the unearthly beings being described. That could be accounted by my lack of patience in perceiving details and it's sad to say that this is one that didn't do better in describing. //

Book Review: Atlantia (Ally Condie)

Book Cover

For as long as she can remember, Rio has dreamed of the sand and the sky Above-- of life beyond her underwater city of Atlantia. But in a single moment, all Rio's hopes for the future are shattered when her twin sister, Bay, makes an unexpected choice, stranding Rio Below.

Alone, ripped away from the last person who knew Rio's true self- and the powerful siren voice she has long silenced-  she has nothing left to lose. Guided by a dangerous and unlikely mentor, Rio formulates a plan that leads to increasingly treacherous questions about her mother's death, her own destiny, and the corrupted system constructed to govern the Divide between land and sea.

Her life and her city depend on Rio to listen to the voices of the past and to speak long-hidden truths.

I was getting too paranoid with the tales of betrayal – I was expecting it at every turn of the book, starting off Atlantia with Bay’s plot of deceiving Rio had been a serious trigger. I really was, like, What the hell?!

It’s not like I didn’t like the book. I did.

The hint of betrayal was just so distracting that I didn’t thoroughly enjoyed it.

I experienced a nagging suspicion that every character is somehow involved with the ultimate plot and each actually harbors a secret relevant to the main character. I couldn’t take a revelation as an actual fact until supporting details gave proof and that the revelation in itself wasn’t just a first person thing.

There were a lot of secrets hinted, and Rio’s fresh perspective had somehow planted the mystery with her observations. There were the changes born from being separated from her sister, at the same time a renewed resolve to somehow leave from the city.

The first idea that came into mind was that of “Atlantis” – a civilization thriving in advanced technologies and, due to some circumstances, had allowed itself to be buried under the ocean. Atlantia was not Atlantis, not as far as I could see, as Atlantia exist in a timeline where the world deemed it necessary to divide the inhabitants into Above and Below. This necessity was further expounded with Rio’s quest for truth which ultimately led into the truth of the matter.

There were takeaways from the story as well as social implications.

That the conflict between two different civilizations could be rooted from the misconceptions that had been taken as fact rather than common knowledge. The knowledge could be passed off as superstitions and could be considered harmless unless acted negatively. Of course, it takes an open mind to accept that there are things which had not really what we’ve thought of, as it takes guts to admit it to oneself.

In relation to that, there’s also people’s tendency to accept things as they are just because the practice had been going on since the beginning of when we can remember. It’s a trait from where we can attribute the root of misconceived practices. It’s a trait that begets ignorance and that ignorance, from the universal perspective, could be found wrong, if not barbaric. Like the Human sacrificial rites from once long ago – it could be understood that as no one did questioned the practice (until someone ACTUALLY did), the practice is accepted and is considered ethical.

Then there’s the classic, “Do not judge a book by its cover,” just because a lot of people says so wouldn’t actually prove it correctly. Sometimes corrections are overlooked and prejudice often prevails over a plea for innocence. That Rio’s aunt was that type of person (mind you, I didn’t quite believe it until she proved herself – somewhere near the climax/end of the novel), an authentic aunt set on indulging on her only family left in Atlantia.

I liked how there were a lot to think about after the conclusion and how there are certain ends that were not spelled. At one point there is a sort of a happy ending. An open-ending in one.

At least depending on how you’ll look at it.

Book Review: The Night Circus (Erin Morgenstern)

(Posting this from December 12, 2014 and I've been a bit lazy for a revision)

This is my attempt in creating a review.

After all the efforts that I’ve gone through with the guidelines of writing a review, as well as reading samples from various blogs and references, I realized that this is not going to work if I stick too much with the formalities. I will write what I thought, when I thought them – and just let the common sense of reviewing get ahead with what I would write.

I have been reading a lot since I got to the province mainly to pass my time. I’ve lost count on the number of books that I’ve finished since September of this year, and the count still continues up to this date. I’m thinking of creating an inventory of the Titles that I’ve already finished, then composing my own review based on what I’ve contemplated on.

For now, I’ll start with the most recent read.

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Book Cover

The circus arrives without warning. No announcements precede it, no paper notices plastered on lampposts and billboards. It is simply there, when yesterday it was not.

Within these nocturnal black-and-white striped tents awaits an utterly unique, a feast for the senses, where one can get lost in a maze of clouds, meander through a lush garden made of ice, stare in wonderment as the tattooed contortionist folds herself into a small glass box, and become deliciously tipsy from the scents of caramel and cinnamon that waft through the air.

Welcome to Le Cirque des Rêves.

Beyond the smoke and mirrors, however, a fierce competition is under way--a contest between two young illusionists, Celia and Marco, who have been trained since childhood to compete in a "game" to which they have been irrevocably bound by their mercurial masters. Unbeknownst to the players, this is a game in which only one can be left standing, and the circus is but the stage for a remarkable battle of imagination and will.

As the circus travels around the world, the feats of magic gain fantastical new heights with every stop. The game is well under way and the lives of all those involved--the eccentric circus owner, the elusive contortionist, the mystical fortune-teller, and a pair of red-headed twins born backstage among them--are swept up in a wake of spells and charms.

But when Celia discovers that Marco is her adversary, they begin to think of the game not as a competition but as a wonderful collaboration. With no knowledge of how the game must end, they innocently tumble headfirst into love. A deep, passionate, and magical love that makes the lights flicker and the room grow warm whenever they so much as brush hands.

Their masters still pull the strings, however, and this unforeseen occurrence forces them to intervene with dangerous consequences, leaving the lives of everyone from the performers to the patrons hanging in the balance.

Both playful and seductive, The Night Circus, Erin Morgenstern's spell-casting debut, is a mesmerizing love story for the ages.

(Summary from Goodreads)

My initial thought for the theme dominant on the book were of Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet. The main characters of the story were pretty much star-crossed lovers, though not to the extreme that it includes clannish conflicts and first blood or all those dramatic murders and suicide.

Through the duration of the novel, brutality comes in the forms of, yes it was still there, death by unintentional murder and the heart-wrenching drama of losing someone one loved with the cliché of love stories and their rivals. These negative impacts were essential in the character build up and adds up to the character’s development with the story.

I wouldn’t want to delve too much with the details for fear of spoiling too much.

Characterization and what it entails were fine, I’d say, an average and I wouldn’t claim too much to be the ‘perfect’ well developed characters in a story. There are no wasted characters though there were some who seemed to have faded after exposing their role in the story. At least, in a sense that they were given a hastily concluded ending.

The story itself, I could rate on an above average scheme, as it gives the feeling that things were not what I had been expecting as I progress through the chapters. I never realized the importance of the dates and places prior to the beginning of the chapters until I got to Part II, where the discrepancies in time eventually converges giving the conclusion of the story its impact that it well deserved.

Overall, The Night Circus is a well-written novel, a must-read if I should say – I wouldn’t hesitate reading it over again.

Book Review: The Magician's Apprentice (Trudi Canavan)

Book Cover

In the remote village of Mandryn, Tessia serves as assistant to her father, the village Healer. Her mother would rather she found a husband. But her life is about to take a very unexpected turn.

When the advances of a visiting Sachakan mage get violent, Tessia unconsciously taps unknown reserves of magic to defend herself. Lord Dakon, the local magician, takes Tessia under his wing as an apprentice. 

The long hours of study and self-discipline also offer more opportunities than she had ever hoped for, and an exciting new world opens up to her. There are fine clothes and servants—and, to Tessia's delight—regular trips to the great city of Imardin.

But along with the excitement and privilege, Tessia is about to discover that her magical gifts bring with them a great deal of responsibility. For great danger looms on the horizon for Tessia and her world.
(Summary from Goodreads)

This is what compelled me to write a review when can't normally compose myself enough to write a decent one. NOT that this review would ever be decent but I guess it'll somehow sum up the feelings invoked upon my... dealings with the book. I have few issues/observations/Comments with the entirety of the book and words could never give justice to what I felt when I finished the novel- But there you go:

First, the overall theme was fine. I loved the idea that there was that something new that took a woman to have been discovered. I was drawn by the story from reading the summary and somehow reading through the first chapter encourages me to read on. The whole medieval feels realistic based on the imagery that can be derived from it, and the magicians, and monarchy. Politics, though it wasn't a central theme, could never be divorced with hierarchies and wars could never eliminate deaths. I liked how discrimination had been exhibited with gender stereotypes. It certainly empowered women with highlighting the achievements lead by women behind or in the front lines. Then there was Romance. I had to admit - this was the one thing that kept me from ditching the book entirely.

Second, the characters were consistent enough. At least if I didn't consider their inner thoughts - which had been all over the place and somehow misplaced. The inner thoughts could have been okay if it were told in a one-person point of view - not the shifting perspective that kind of left out the use of imagination and inference with reading. Instead of liking at least one character - I ended up hating them. It was like I got a full view of the personalities and that somehow made them all too similar. I couldn't take sides in the story because I understood their predicaments which overly impacted how I felt in reading the book. Because it somehow made things too calculative, in my perspective, I somehow got lost with using the magic in reading novels - the whole escapism point gone with too much explanation. THIS had been the major turn-off factor for me.

Lastly, the entire plot had been too long drawn to the point where I almost skimmed through the pages. I hated the whole Hanara perspective for some reason. Stara's perspective which didn't really clarified her role in the entire story until the ending when war was breaking. The story itself had some hasty conclusions which could probably be accounted for it being a prequel into a series - BUT that in itself should be able to stand alone or at least INVITE to read further on.

The entire experience somehow felt traumatic that I was unsure whether to read any other works of Trudi Canavan in the future.

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This was posted: http://thoughtsofanundefined.blogspot.com/2016/03/review-on-magicians-apprentice.html